Some of you may or may not know that I served as an English high school teacher for 10 years. Some of you may or may not know that the result of those years and the incredulous passion I have for teaching gained me the National Teaching Award for Enhanced Teaching with Technology. Some of you may or may not know I then received an African Continental 'Teacher of Tomorrow' Award. Some of you may or may not know I work full-time in the Education sector as a Digital Learning Specialist for eCulture, serving our teachers and schools provincially. Some of you may or may not know I am a poet and currently in the process of publishing my poetry. Some of you may or may not know that I have a degree in English Literary Studies and Media and Writing and I am currently completing my Honours in Computer Integrated Education. Some of you may or may not know that I design websites and creative, social media content, and my website and all the management behind it is done solely by me. You may or may not know I am a Certified Yoni Steaming Specialist and currently training as a 500hr Yoga Teacher, specializing in integrative yoga and Yoga Nidra. You may or may not know, I have a certification in Natural Healing Therapies and Herbal Medicines and I make and sell herbal products which include TEAS, YONI STEAMING HERBS, BATH HERBS, and more (I PRAY YOU KNOW THIS!)
Now, you may wonder, why am I saying this? You may even think, 'Boast, much?'.
I have realized in my 35 years of life, I do not celebrate nor internalize my achievements. I often wave the hand across my face as though the events of my life's making were one that required but a smile. I am not boasting, in fact, I am writing this more of a reminder to myself of the commitment I have made to myself. This commitment was to Acknowledge Myself, Celebrate Myself, Own Who I am, Proclaim Myself, Allow Myself to be Seen, Show Up for Myself... and the list goes on.
I imagine, that within the patriarchal walls of society, we as women have been conditioned to this presupposed behaviour. We do not celebrate ourselves nor value our intellect enough to speak up or show up as we are. Our conditioning has shaped us into succumbing to imposter syndrome. In a recent study, 76% of employees feeling imposter syndrome are women. This imposter syndrome also takes the shape of grief as we lose aspects of ourselves.
This grief while shaped in the human forms of those we have loved and lost, also shapes in the knowing that we may have allowed self-potential to die, confidence to wane, denied ourselves celebration, dismissed our value, hard efforts and time and called it 'being humble'. A self-betrayal showing that we have denied ourselves rest, used language against ourselves and still blame others for the way we think about ourselves. These realizations have grown stronger in recent weeks for me as I have learnt that while I was showing up as a yoga instructor to my beautiful sisters, I have felt disconnected from myself. I have learnt that while I was running a business, I have felt fatigued by my mental activity and the constant back-and-forth bickering of my desire to grow and my need to rest. I have learnt how clouded my perspectives became as my busy-ness rued my feminine need for nurturing.
In the whirling of my grieving sentiments and the recent learnings about my health and well-being, the extent to which my grief and self-betrayal as traumas have found a home inside of my body has urged me to do deep introspection. And has led me deeper into my passions, to serve in the betterment of others, to empower and enlighten and to hold space for others. I can only do this if I fully encapsulate what it means to be ME, to be a WOMAN, to be UNAPOLOGETIC, to be fully within my FEMININE LIGHT. IT will mean that I WOMBAN UP!
I have recently changed my personal Instagram page to reflect my commitment to living my truth and allowing my own light to shine and inspire others to do the same.
Follow my page here: @Wombaning_UP (https://www.instagram.com/wombaning_up/)
I hold you sisters in love and grace