At university I studied English Literary Studies, Creative Writing, Media & Writing. Academia and I have always had a rather critical relationship - it took great strides in making me feel unintelligent - unsuccessful and unworthy of the written word. It didn't matter that my soul knew that intelligence is not marked by colonial structures and binary solutions, it didn't matter that my soul knew that I had knowledge breathing through my blood - it mattered that I was a number walking through the patriarchal passages fulfilling a colonial rite of systemic oppression. And there, small in the vast room of intellectual superiority - I was told that I was not a good writer. I was too emotional and my writing reflected it. I stopped writing for years. I think in many ways I am still picking up the pieces of my youthful ambitions to be a writer and ever so often, I begin to take shape.
I went on to become an English teacher as was a dream and I lived my dream. I still did not express as fluidly as my soul yearned because I was still afraid - I was still balancing on the seat of oppressive circumstances trying to pen words that would subjectively meet the approval of a staunched poet who wrote about pygmies i.e. the man who said I was not a good writer. I held onto his words like a force-fed gospel. My sins scribbled on paper like my red pen. I was a hypocrite. I proclaimed motivational sentiments onto my students - graded their creative expression and although I tried to offer their imaginative expletives its due acceptance - my red pen moved with oppressive circumstance. I was not worthy of the written word.
In my final year of teaching, I embarked on my soul journey towards healing and self-discovery. I started with unlearning the indoctrination that I was fed about writing and poetry and expression and did a series of workshops and writing courses. A particular one that catapulted my self-trust to regain my confidence was with my dear friend, Siphokazi Jonas, who presented a workshop series on Spoken Word Poetry. I wanted to find my voice. This workshop series was the beginning of my self-learning journey and it did not just give me the platform, the acceptance, the validation of my talents but it also gave me a community - a wild unencumbered sharing of our darkest realities and deepest fears curled into the shape of words and power and love. I have been found. My words were so fucking emotionally ripe - it bled from my tongue and I was exceptional in my craft and loved my expression.
I moved with great determination since then - unearthing and deep diving into the crevices of my self - allowing what is true and not true to be surfaced through my own voice. The relationship between the voice and the womb is undeniable - not just scientifically proven but also a spiritual and emotional truth. In seeking to hone my song and breathe through the melody of poetry and authenticity - I found myself on stages expressed with an ease and confidence that I never knew I had. My words had power. My words had a voice and in the waking of that voice - my womb screamed for attention. Through my poetic expression - the calling to my womb became louder even though I was expressing - I was still not listening. I was not listening to the voice of my womb - the deeper intuitive knowledge that bled monthly from my central power - I was not listening to the sheer grace of my feminine psyche emboldened by my brave and vulnerable poetic expression. I was unaware of my wounds and my traumas still hanging by the threads of my scar tissue. This led me to womb healing, and divine feminine spiritual learning and awakening. It led me to heal my sexual wounds through sacred sexuality. Words changed my life and I am worthy.
My poetry awakened my womb work. My poetry fought for me, cried for me through my womb healing. My poetry empowered my feminine essence. My poetry bled the path to my divine feminine and unlocked the codes of my womb. My poetry taught me my feminine and masculine wounds. My poetry gave my womb a voice. My poetry is the bleeding phase of my spiritual cycle.
Through poetry - I activated womb healing and the divine feminine in me. I am home.
If you are interested in joining my Wild Woman Writing Circle and activate the power of your feminine through writing then tap into your Creative Flow & Intention and Sign up: https://bit.ly/wildwomanwriting
I also wish to share that I am newly published poet - if you are interested in purchasing my first poetry anthology ‘Esoteric’, join the waiting list here: https://forms.gle/wcUZevX5wfCupBWW9
With Love
Gafieza